Fear, Distress, and Other Enjoyables (Transitioning from the Army Series, Part 4)

Welcome back! So we've decided to leave the active duty, examined our strengths and weaknesses, and did a little bit of planning for our future. You're kicking butt and taking names! Bully for you!

let's bring this back into our lexicon. "Hey Mike, how'd your interview go?" "Bully!"

Now let's talk about when it all goes horribly, horribly wrong.

This edition of my series is going to address some of the emotional aspects that have happened to me as I go through my transition. Don't think of this as the next step in the transition process. It's more like an underlying current that spans the entire process. I believe it's an important thing to talk about and is severely under-discussed because most people are uncomfortable talking about the rough parts of leaving the military. I'm going to talk about some of the struggles I've had to cope with and the solutions I've found so far. So if you're not interested in reading about a grown man having serious anxiety, move along. But these are real issues all of us transitioning veterans deal with, so I strongly encourage everyone to arm themselves in preparation. On a personal level, writing this article is very cathartic, as I'm still handling these challenges, and knowing that I might help someone helps me in turn.

Transitioning from the military is a thrilling ride, and like any good roller coaster, there are super fun parts and there are "I need a new pair of underwear" parts. When civilians change jobs, they secretly search for new jobs while holding onto their current ones. Once they secure an offer, THEN they submit their 2 week notice. Conversely, service members have to wait until they get out to get a new occupation. And while some of us are lucky and have a job lined up and waiting for us as soon as we sign out from our duty station, most of us feel like we're in a sudden race to secure a new paycheck. Vacation is supposed to fun and enjoyable. Yet I enjoyed only a little of the vacation time I had saved up. The hunt for my next job consumed a large majority of my time and created significant emotional turmoil, preventing me from fully enjoying my time off. However, there are methods to help you prepare for the coming challenges that I want to share with everyone, and hopefully some brave readers will offer their advice as well.

Let's start with discussing stress. Stress is neither good or bad, it's impartial. Stress is simply outside change introduced to an existing system. Whether or not that change is good is dependent on the reaction of the system experiencing the change. It is dependent upon the person experiencing the stress to determine how to interpret the stress. Good stress is called eustress. When you do bicep curls in the squat rack so you can get JACKED, that's eustress.

sick gainz, bruh

Your muscles react to the stress induced from lifting weights by growing additional muscle fibers and strengthening pre-existing ones. Conversely, bad reactions to stress is Distress. Sadly, we're all familiar with distress far more than we are with eustress. Remember when Simba found Mufasa lying dead on the ground after the stampede? Yeah, that was definitely distress you were feeling.

damn you, Scar!!

The key to making a system better at reacting to stress positively rather than negatively is through building resilience, or stress inoculation. For most of us, this has been programed for us throughout our entire military service. You run 3 miles one week, 4 mile the next. You jump out of a 34 foot tower one week, then out of an airplane the next. When you're in as expansive and comprehensive a system as the US Military, resilience training is something that's taken for granted and never really practiced at the individual level. Except now you're NOT in the military anymore. It's on YOU to build your resilience so you can increase the likelihood of eustress instead of distress from all the challenges related to transition. Here's how I've done it (and still am doing it):

1) Meditation. Yeah, seriously. Get over your initial reaction of "what, like, what those hippy yoga people do?" Guys and gals, this is the real deal. You don't have to travel to India for a spiritual retreat or stop taking showers. Here's what you do - Go download an app called Headspace. It guides you through very basic meditation practices, with the intention of helping you "clear" your mind of distractions and extraneous thoughts. I'm not screwing around with you on this one. This is another investment in yourself. I can absolutely attest to the levels of productivity and amount of eustress I achieve on days where I successfully meditate in the morning. The simple act of setting my intentions (aka goals) at the beginning of the day are utterly crucial to ensure they are actually achieved. Do yourself a favor and check out their free demo.

2) Exercise. Some folks have to be in an environment that enforces physical activity, otherwise they can't self-motivate themselves to workout. We all know a fat guy who claims that at his last duty station, he ran 5 days a week at a 6:00 mile pace. Don't be that guy - keep yourself fit. Join a gym with a strong community. Just get outside and lift some heavy weights and set them back down. You'll feel fantastic afterwards and it will do wonders for your self esteem and health. I could (and still do) talk ad nausea about this, but I'll save that for another blog post.

3) Routine. Suggestion #1 and #2 are important actions. Routines are how you make sure you keep doing those actions on a regular basis. It's an often overlooked and vastly underappreciated fact that humans are creatures of habit and crave routines. By establishing some semblance of normalcy through a routine, you are actually made braver and more capable of adapting to change than those without a routine. We NEED some amount of consistency in our lives, otherwise we remain in a constant state of "fight or flight." Wake up at the same time each day (except for maybe the weekend). Do the same steps within the 1st hour of waking. Personally, I get up, make a cup of Bulletproof coffee, drink said coffee, drink my Athletic Greens and creatine, drink more coffee, meditate, and catch up on major news. How does this prepare me for the day, besides ensuring I've got the necessary amount of caffeine rocketing through my veins?

Because by knowing exactly what I'll do at the beginning of the day, I can essentially put that time on "autopilot" and spend more energy and cognition of the parts of the day that are truly more variable. Things like interview preparation, house hunting, and networking are all time consuming and exhausting. Automate those parts of the day that you can so you may focus on those parts you cannot.

4) Community. Maybe you're happy to be getting out the military and hated your experience. Or maybe you're pretty bummed. Either way, you're about to enter an extremely different world, one where the support system may not match the one you had previously. It's a natural human action to align ourselves with others who are most alike us. In the military, this is easier done because we all get the same haircuts, wear the same clothes, etc. And now you're suddenly around a bunch of people who aren't like you, don't understand what you went through, but keep telling you that their 3rd cousin was in the Coast Guard's trash sanitation department for 2 years back in the 70s, so they "totally get what you're going through." No. No, they do NOT get what you're going through. So surround yourself with others who do. There are awesome veteran-related communities out there (big shout out to Team RWB and Team Rubicon) but you don't even need something veteran-related. Just find a tribe, even it's Extreme Couponing.

you will, however, be dead to me if you choose this as your new tribe

Listen, I don't want to pull any punches on this post, so let me be as transparent as I can. I have gotten scared during my transition. I have seen job possibilities disappear without any explanation. I've driven myself into some serious panics because of things that were completely out of my control. Some days I felt like the world was conspiring against me and my efforts to find a decent job and provide for my family. Even as I write these very words, I still don't have a 100% concrete future. However, I am confident that my efforts have gotten me to the finish line - I'm just waiting to see my results posted on the scoreboard. Transitioning out of the military is not an easy thing. But I'm hear to tell you that it's okay. We wanted this. These obstacles are GOOD. It's your choice to make them into eustress instead of distress. Remember all those great reasons we wanted to leave the military and pursue a civilian career? They're still valid and you still kick @$$. But you have to equip yourself with the necessary armor to succeed in this process. We military folks are used to literally clothing ourselves with layers and layers of protection - Bulletproof vests, massive up-armored vehicles, electronic detection devices, etc. Now you need to bring that same mindset to your transition. Meditate, work out, get a routine, and find a new tribe. These are your new layers of protection. So suit up my friends, because it's time to hunt.